Still Hope

Well, I finally have the place to myself, so l have the "freedom" to spend as much time as I want updating!

Today was..... not a very "successful" day on the food front. I started out all right, as I most often do, but it was in the evening that I kinda (almost totally) lost my grip. The teachers went out for dinner, and although I had the urge to back out so that I could have complete control over my caloric intake and work out with leisure (and just plain relax, as this week was entirely exhausting), I resisted this urge and felt that I owed it to my coworkers to join them. They've been inviting me to all these outings that of course involve food, and I've been turning down their invites because (A) I didn't wanna feel bloated after pigging out, (B) I didn't feel like eating much anyway, and whenever I don't eat, they comment about that too, and (C) I really wanted to have complete control over what I put in my mouth. I didn't tell them that I'm trying to lose weight, and maybe I should tell them so that they don't get the wrong idea, but I have mixed feelings about that, so I'll save that topic for another time.

It is (thank GOODNESS) a Friday night! So yes, I felt I could relax a bit. And yes, I joined them for dinner this time. And ahem, yes, there was a bit of alcohol involved. I think I was okay with the food. I stayed pretty on target, avoiding unnecessary carbs and empty calories. It was the alcohol. I didn't have too much of it, mind you, but I think the alcohol affected my judgment and SENSE, and you'll see why.

After the completely harmless dinner, I felt I needed something. Not that I was hungry. I just felt so anxious. Perhaps it was all the social interaction involved. I met a couple new faces and had to speak to people I hadn't spoken to one-on-one before. I don't know what it was that provoked me to do this; nevertheless, I just felt like I had to release this anxiety that had been building within me. As I was walking home, lo and behold, what else appears before my very eyes but a favorite bakery of mine? Without any thought or hesitation whatsoever, I opened the door and walked inside the bakery. Once I opened that door, I knew I had made the decision to buy something that would NOT BE GOOD FOR ME. I ended up buying one mini cream puff, which is harmless. I also ended up buying a box of -- you name it -- one of my trigger foods -- COOKIES. Assorted variety. I gobbled up the cream puff. I gobbled up one cookie. I bit into another one. This happened before I even got home.

When I did get home, I ate another. And another..... Um, I ate a total of 8 cookies! There were 10 in the box, so 8 out of 10 cookies I had in one sitting! Each cookie was about an average of 120~125 calories. Multiply that by 8! That is a little less than another day's worth of extra calories that I took in! When I got home, I was so tired. And obviously still in binge mode. After eating, I just wanted to pass out on my bed without even changing or washing up.

HOWEVER (and this is a big "however"), I resisted this urge to just "give up for the day," and I actually worked out. I felt much better after doing so, I should add, although this is certainly not shocking news. I then proceeded to wash up, change, track my fitness for the day, and I am even managing to update here! So today is not a complete failure. There's still hope. I ate senselessly today, but one day doesn't mess up overall progress. I'll be weighing myself this Sunday. We'll see how far I've come.

I tell myself once more, "No one gains 10 pounds overnight. So don't stress too much about the cookies." Now perhaps a movie and bed! Or even better, a movie IN bed!