Hate the Scale

I hate the scale.

I don't know if I'm doing anything right, even the exercise part. I am exercising a good amount everyday, but is it normal to feel that one hour of exercise is just not gonna cut it? Is it normal to feel a guilt trip if I put in anything less than an hour and 30 minutes of exercise? Is it okay to use light weights everyday? I don't know these things, and I wish I had someone to tell me whether I'm doing this right.

I feel as though I might have a panic attack one day, because whenever I don't know the calorie count of a certain food, I feel like I can't eat it. I can't eat the food unless I know how much I can eat and know potentially how much damage it could do (I'm referring to the calories, of course.). When I do eat food for which I don't know the calorie count of (which inevitably will/does happen, I say), I track it at livestrong.com, hoping that I'm totally overestimating the number of calories. I don't know though, because I could surely just as well be severely underestimating. I'm scared.

The scale hasn't moved much. Am I eating too much? (I have a feeling that is the case.) *Sigh* Losing weight is so much work. It's so much work, because I'm a girl who thinks about food all the time. I have so many cravings. I know it could be simple math. I could simply reduce the amount of calories I take in and burn enough calories. I could simply drink 3 Slim Fast shakes and 2 100-calorie snacks and call it a day. I could do that, but the thing is, I can't. Not only because then I'd be losing out on nutrients I need, but mainly because I just cannot drink 3 shakes/meal bars a day. Sometimes I can't even manage to replace ONE meal with a shake/meal bar. I need REAL FOOD.

I know I'm complaining, and I know that losing weight isn't really easy for anyone. Everyone works hard at it. Everyone is fighting the battle. I just wish sometimes that I could afford a personal chef/trainer/nutritionist to do all the work for me and monitor my progress.

Okay, enough wishful thinking. I know I can do this. I'm already seeing some results in my thighs and wrists. My legs look a bit more toned and my wrist bones look a bit more pronounced. (I know that sounds weird, but it's one of the first places I begin to visually lose the chub.)

Note to self: Don't rely on the scale too much. It never was your friend, and it never will be all that nice to you. Forget about the hurtful (although not intentionally hurtful) times when that clueless somebody asked you, "How much do you weigh?" It wasn't personal. They were asking for a number; they weren't being cruel. They were asking for a damn number, and that number won't matter anymore. When you're healthy and looking good, that damn number won't matter. I vow, though, that I'll stick to my principles, and regardless of how much I weigh, whether it be 160 lbs. or 110 lbs., I'll never let myself be forced into telling someone other than my doctor that number.