Better Choices

These days, I've been making better choices for myself. No, I haven't been making the best decisions and thus adhering perfectly to plans, but then again, it's not really like I had made any specific plans in the first place. (By this I mean that I haven't been counting calories or creating and adhering to weekly meal plans or tracking my weight.)

I must admit though, that I'm satisfied that I have not binged in a while. I think that multiple factors have been affecting my eating, such as the changing weather (It's getting warm and sticky out!), my increasing awareness of my ever easily expanding waistline, and my heartfelt wish to not go through one of those painful binge modes/cycles (which just perpetuate the problem by creating cravings and self-doubt and regret).

For the first time in a long time, I have felt the sense of control in making decisions about what I put into my mouth. I will not eat unless I am hungry. I will not go out of my way to purchase trigger foods. I will not continue eating unless it is actually what I want to eat, you know, unless it is really delicious to my taste buds. I don't know why I have been abusing myself for so long, stuffing my face when the food wasn't even really that good. It was a lose-lose situation. Yes, it could be boredom or loneliness or depression, but I can do something about that. I can make better choices.

I won't eat something just because it's there, or just because I can. It'll take time, I know, but I am in the process of rebuilding trust in myself and knowing that I can indeed make the executive decision. I don't have to be dragged along by my feelings and emotions and cravings. It's not easy, and no one has made the guarantee that it is, so I'm gonna have to make the right decisions regardless of what I "feel like doing" instead.

After posting this, I plan on working out, taking a relaxing hot shower, and catching up on some reading. Then tomorrow I plan to venture out again and begin recording my weight (perhaps on a daily basis, but then again maybe weekly would be better). I also plan to start counting calories again. It's time-consuming, and I have a tendency to get anal about it, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I gotta face the facts.