Sunny Sunday

Well, well, well.

Time for a "Sunday Update"!

I know I haven't been doing the best that I could have been. On the one hand, I've been sick (with a slight cold). But on the other hand, I know there shouldn't be excuses. I haven't been loving my body enough. I've been taking my body for granted. I begin with these couple sentences of regret because first of all, I haven't been tracking calories as religiously as I had been doing before, and secondly, I haven't been exercising as frequently. Before, I had made it a no-option thing. No matter what, I made sure I got in at least an hour of aerobic activity at least 5 times a week. In recent days I have been doing it on an "I feel like..." basis. That, for me, spells trouble. Because it gives me an option to NOT do it. On top of that, yesterday, for some reason, I just "needed to have" bread. I went to the bakery (that is literally CONNECTED to my apartment building--AH!!!) and picked out four different types of bread (some type of apple pie thing, some chocolate pie thing, some walnut pancake-lookin' thing, etc.....). All probably a gazillion calories each. And I polished EACH.ONE.off. When I got to the last type of bread, I felt like I was killing  myself. I don't know why I shoved it into my mouth. I didn't even want to eat it. I wanted to, but I felt too sick to. But I ate it anyway. And it wasn't that good by the time I got to it, as I had already eaten beyond the point of being overstuffed.

I am really sorry to disappoint y'all with my consistent inconsistencies and unfailing failures. I hesitated writing the above truth because I didn't want to admit to yet another binge episode. But it happened, and I'm writing this blog to tell the truth freely, without holding back due to self-consciousness and fear of condemnation.

Back to yesterday. I felt so sick after having eaten the loads of carb/sugar/fat-laden "goodies." I knew that I was eating myself to diabetes, and I SO KNOW the consequences of having diabetes (since several family members suffer from the horrible disease). I knew I had to do SOMETHING to counter the impending consequences of my irresponsible actions. I knew I couldn't "undo my eating," but nevertheless I had to get off my butt and get movin'. I forced myself to exercise (5 miles), and I felt so much better afterward. I skipped dinner that night, of course without feeling an ounce of hunger.

Today I continued making responsible decisions for myself. I ate when I was hungry, and stopped when I was full. I ate what I had in the house instead of eating out or ordering in. I had lean protein such as tuna and mushroom and black beans. I exercised again. I pushed myself really hard today (3 miles and a standing pilates DVD that was EXTREMELY challenging). In addition, I prepared for tomorrow's lunch a chicken breast salad and fresh strawberries.

I'm going to take responsibility and do what I know is right. I'm the only one who can do this for myself. No one else can make my decisions for me. I know that I deserve to be healthy and happy and whole. I need to have faith in myself and high expectations for myself.