"Sher"apy

That's right, I'm givin' myself a bit of self-therapy. I am currently at a nearby Starbucks, in an awesome corner that provides at least a bit of seclusion from all the other patrons. In addition, no one can peek over and look at my screen (and see what I'm up to), which is always a plus! :) I find that I write whenever I'm at extremes in my life, either elated or feeling severely hopeless and depressed. Ah, and to explain the cheesy title of this entry, I am listening to one of my favorite songs, "Sherry," by The Four Seasons, on repeat. Except I'm listening to the "Jersey Boys" version instead of the original. This upbeat song, along with a cup of coffee and my pen/journal (in this case my laptop), always manages to make me feel a bit better. I have a cup of coffee with just cream and cinnamon sprinkled in it, and a Greek Yogurt & Honey Parfait. I ended up spilling half the granola, but I guess the less I eat of it, the better anyway.

These days, I've been avoiding meeting people. I just don't feel like socializing in general. I don't know what it is. I want to meet people, but I don't really want to try. I don't want to make the small talk and act polite, while trying to make sure that nothing I say particularly offends/upsets/turns off the person I'm making conversation to. I realize that I'm indeed addicted to approval, afflicted by this "disease to please." I need to have more faith in myself. Perhaps I'm going through some sort of identity crisis. I want to be myself, with no apologies. I want to own all my quirks, even my tendencies to drink at least three cups of coffee a day (all before noon hits); or to read a gazillion self-help books, biographies, and a healthy handful of chick lit. fiction. Therefore I wanna make a list. Lists always make me feel better too.

Quirks That I Will Own and Be (Somewhat) Proud Of, DAMMIT:

1. drinking at least three cups of coffee before noon each day.
2. enjoying spending time alone at a cafe.
3. actually enjoying watching "Real Housewives of... [Insert any city here]."
4. secretly admiring Kate Gosselin. Perhaps because she's so opinionated and doesn't give a fart about how others really perceive her. Plus, she always seems to stay true to herself.
5. preferring the oldies station, despite the fact that I was born in the 80's and am in my 20's.
6. being painfully shy and reserved around new acquaintances, but "charming" and "charismatic" and un-apologetically quirky with my buddies. HEH. :)
7. being kind of obsessed with cleanliness.
8. really liking the icing on cakes. (Many people eat the cake and try to avoid the icing, but for me, the icing is the best part! Especially if it's made of butter cream or cream cheese or peanut butter...)
9. furiously jotting down good quotes from the many books I read.
10. secretly envying Khloe and Lamar's sweet relationship. (Can you tell how much TV I've been watching these days?)

Okay, I think I'm done with the list for now. This guy keeps glancing over at me, and it's a bit irritating. Perhaps it's because I'm typing at a gazillion miles per hour. Don't know.

AH, and let me update how my healthy eating habits were actually nonexistent for the past several days. Okay, for the past several weeks. I bought about $15 worth of candy (mostly chocolate) at the store the other day. It was definitely an impulse buy. To be more specific, a Mounds bar, an Almond Joy, Almond Joy Pieces, Reese's Minis, and two Orbit gum 3-packs. Guess what's left of it? Half the bag of Almond Joy Pieces and the gum. That's right, I downed all that chocolate in the span of two days. All the while I was reading quite an inspirational book, THE AMAZING ADVENTURES OF DIETGIRL, by Shauna Reid.  How much of a contradiction can a girl be?

I am determined to get back on track, though. Honesty is the best policy, so I'm going to own up to it here, and get started again. Last night, I tied up my sneakers for the first time in a long while. I've been exercising sporadically as opposed to regularly. But I really DESIRE to get back on track. I need to get back into the groove. No matter what it takes. I just need to be able to wake up earlier, cause I wanna get it all in in the A.M. hours. I wanna get it out of the way so the rest of my day can be freed up! And I seriously need to stop making excuses for myself. I need to love myself enough. I need to eat consciously.